Being a human
lie detector is
not a difficult thing. You simply need to understand the tale-tell signs
and tactics that are inherent of every liar. Here are five basic signs
that are common to most liars:
- They Relax & Become Happier When You Change The Subject
A topic in which the person is
deceptive on will cause them to be tense and have anxiety. If you think that they are being deceptive, then you should switch topics on them to something different and watch
how they react to the change. If they suddenly appear to be more happy and relaxed, then this can be a sign that they were trying to be deceptive before you switched topics on them.
Someone who is sure of
themselves or honest will usually have an honest
answer for an honest question and it will come to them with little thinking involved. Not true with
the liar.
When a liar is caught off guard, they require time to formulate a
response that sounds legitimate. Therefore, they might employ a stall
tactic to buy more time. One commonly used way a liar buys more time is
by employing rhetorical questions such as:
“Can you repeat the question?”
“What do you think?”
“Could you be more specific?”
They repeat the same question back to you. Recognize these kinds of questions as delay tactics, used to buy more time to create a believable lie.
Absolutes should be a red flag to you when
a person is trying to be deceptive because absolutes are most often lies in and of themselves.
Absolutes are words like, “always,” “never,” “every time,” “everyone.”
Listen carefully for absolutes because they are used in two main
functions: when the person is trying to persuade you to do something, or
when they are getting defensive about something they did. It’s a known
fact of life that there are no absolutes. Even the cleanest person has
gotten their hands dirty at one point. No one is perfect and we learn
from our mistakes–that is why absolutes are often associated with deceptive behavior–because they are untrue to begin with.
- They Don’t Defend Their Honor
When a person is faced with a
false accusation,
the normal tendency is to become outraged and react aggressively
towards that accusation because it’s an attack on their reputation and
their honor–both of which an individual has a psychological need to
defend. “How dare you say that to me,” would be a typical honest
response to a false accusation. The liar, however, will not protest the
accusation, but rather be focusing more on what to tell you in an effort
not to sound as guilty. They might use stall tactics such as blurting
out a “NO….” and then pausing to follow it up with some type of rational
explanation.
While most of us use the phrase, “Just Kidding,” as a common part of
our conversation to playfully jest at another person, there is a
psychological aspect to this phrase. “Just kidding” is a minimizer
phrase, meaning that it downplays the harshness of what was said before
it. Even if we are innocently
joking,
there is at least some partial truth in what we just said, otherwise we
wouldn’t have said it in the first place. We then slap on the
minimizing phrase, “Just Kidding,” as a way to show the other person
that it was “all in good fun.” It might be all in good fun, but remember
that when someone says this phrase, they probably believe it–at least a
little.
Tristan Loo is the founder of Alternative Conflict Resolution
Services, a consultancy based out of San Diego County, Calfornia.
Tristan is a former police
officer,
conflict expert, professional mediator, and negotiator. Tristan gained
his experience by actively engaging conflict out on the streets, honing
his knowledge and understanding of conflict during hundreds of dangerous
encounters with hostile and violent subjects. Tristan is the author of
Street Negotiation–How to Resolve Any Conflict Anytime.
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